Idealism Versus Realism

How much of the Gorean life as described in the books and surrounding philosophy do you see as being an idealised state of being?

How much do you see as being easily transferable into life (as opposed to ‘fiction’)?

What parts do you see as being idealised (unachievable on Earth)?

What parts do you see as being essential (and achievable)?

***

“To Gorean morality many Earth moralities might ask, "Why so hard?"

To these Earth moralities, the Gorean ethos might ask, "Why so soft?"”

- Marauders of Gor, Pg. 9

 

This blog post has been sparked by the rather simple-looking set of questions above set out by a woman named ‘kajiradreams’ on Fetlife. When I went to reply in a spare five minutes I realised that it wasn’t going to be as simple as I’d first thought.

Since then I’ve done a heck of a lot of thinking, I’ve talked it through with my Master until he’s sick of hearing it, and I’ve come up with the following. I have not included details of the ‘fantasy’ aspects of Gor (the tarns, the force-collarings, the killings, etc.) because if the reader cannot understand that these things are great to read but not a practical part of real-life Gorean.... well.... I won’t finish that sentence!

 

The problem is that ‘Gorean Life’ is rather more complex than it looks! Gorean life is made up of Gorean law, Gorean protocols and philosophies pertaining to life in general and pertaining to just slaves or just free, and generally ‘how-Goreans-simply-are’s. These all break down into their own divisions and ‘simplifications’. Some are essential, easily-followed parts of Gorean life on Earth, some are nice and suited to some people but not others due to personal circumstances and opinions, and some just aren’t realistic at all.

 

I’ve tried to break this down as logically as possible but as those who know me know – my thought pattern doesn’t always work on the same frequency as everyone else, so please feel free to email me if something doesn’t make sense.

 

Gorean Law

I’m sure this section is incomplete, so I’ll come back from time to time as I find more ‘laws’. Each of the below can be referenced with a quote from the books, but as this is already going to be a rather long blog post I’m not including them – contact me privately if you need citations.

 

[Important/Easily followed]

• A man is ruler of his own home, regardless of who might visit or be present. – Every individual regardless of social status is considered ‘king’ of their own home and to enter the home of another and demand X, Y or Z is not acceptable even if of ‘higher social standing’. This is easy to follow unless the person wishes to play loud music at three in the morning, dancing naked on their front lawn or anything else that generally causes a nuisance to the rest of society.
• If it’s true it’s not slander – a given in today’s society, as slander means ‘saying something false and damaging normally in an attempt to damage a reputation’.
• Names may be changed using the legal system – This can be done via Deed Poll, although I expect it is frowned upon to do it every few weeks with a Velcro collar.

[Suitable for some, but not all]

• The collar cancels out the past of a slave and they cannot be punished for anything they did while they were free – this is great in theory, and some people go in for the idea. But legally this has no standing ‘Oh, sorry your Honour, but I killed that person when I was free... now I’m a slave, so I cannot be held accountable for it’ isn’t really going to hold up in court, at least not here in the UK!
• Silk is for slaves only, free women find it too ‘sensual’, and to touch a woman with slave silk is a crime in some cities – a strange one to fit into todays society for sure, but there are some who class themselves as ‘free women’ who refuse to wear silk garments for this reason ‘it is a slave material’. I doubt anyone would be arrested for giving them a silk dress though..
• It is a crime to touch a free woman – I’m sure some will agree with this fiercely, other free women quite like hugs (!), each to their own.
• Slavery stops companionships – some agree with this ‘law’, others prefer to have both a slave and a ‘companion’ (wife/husband).
• Companionships must be renewed every year by having a drink of ‘the wine of love’ – Some people like to have a drink to celebrate an anniversary, others are less interested in such things. Most people celebrate their anniversaries in some way though, even if it’s only saying ‘happy anniversary’ to each other.

 

[Fantasy]

• Any and all rules about the ‘homestone’ and the loyalty and prestige about it – Sadly, it is not possible to claim land by setting a personal stone on it, entire cities of people do not flock to kiss a particular rock every year so they can keep their citizenship and if one person steals another person’s stone they are not going to face public torture or impalement.
• When a man who is in debt dies, his daughters are enslaved to pay off the debt – I don’t see many bailiffs walking into homes with collars and shackles – but maybe the TV and X-Box are more valuable?
• If someone becomes enslaved, all property of the person is given to a male relative or to the city – As slavery isn’t a legal position in society, this cannot apply. Most people in Gorean lifestyles work under the rule ‘anything the slave owned beforehand is the dominants’.
• It is an offense to fake and/or lie on slave papers – We don’t *have* slave papers, so this one’s irrelevant.
• Merchant Law & Slaves have no legal rights once they are branded and collared, this includes names and citizenships – again, because slavery is not legal this has no place in the 20^th century. Not all Gorean slaves are branded or tattooed in Earthen-Gor, as there is no ‘Merchant Law’ to encourage this. It is also not possible for a general member of the public to revoke citizenship.
• A slave must serve anyone, even if that person has ‘stolen’ her – Not practical, otherwise I’m sure there would be more kidnappings in the world!
• Anything can be done to a slave, with or without reason as she is just an animal – ‘she was a slave, so it doesn’t matter that I disfigured/maimed/killed her’ isn’t going to go down well in the community.
• Speaking in a way which indicates enslavement legally makes the speaker a slave – This would be both hard to monitor, and hard to hold under the current laws.
• When a man saves the life of a woman, she is his – More men would go into the medical and/or law enforcement professions if this was practical in real life!

 

 

Gorean Protocol and Philosophy

As with ‘Gorean Law’, this is by no means a comprehensive list, nor is it meant as a ‘check list’ or ‘cheat sheet’! More will be added as I come across more in the books.

 

General (and in my mind the most basic Gorean ideals)

[Important/Easily followed]

• Be true to who you are – Not as easy as it first sounds! Everyone, regardless of age, sex or upbringing has their own strengths and weaknesses. This is completely unique to them, and doesn’t necessarily follow blood or ‘class’. Goreans believe, much as other lifestyles do, that every person is a mix of ying and yang, dominant and submissive. It is the balance of these two that defines the person. A person with minimal submissive tendencies is most likely to wish death rather than enslavement, while those with minimal dominant tendencies are more likely to succumb to the desire of bonds and the inner need to be controlled and serve others. Neither is ‘right’, neither is ‘wrong’ – each is different, each is unique, and each knows themselves. Fully.
• Be what you are – This is considered by some to be very similar, almost inseparable from my first point ‘be true to who you are’. However, I see the two as very unique and different points. Being what you are, in my mind, refers to knowing your general place in nature while as I stated above being ‘true to who you are’ is about knowing your standing in more specific situations. Being what you are is as simple as knowing if you’re a man or a woman and behaving accordingly. To use a Gorean analogy: a sleen is a sleen and a larl is a larl – a sleen never pretends to be a larl; that would be insanity. In the same way, a man pretending to be like a woman, or a woman pretending to be like a man, is laughable and is seen as some kind of joke. The difference of species and gender are celebrated in Goreans, not frowned upon and scorned like they are in many aspects of our world.
• Follow the order set by nature – One of the most spoken about ideals of Gor; ‘The Order of Nature’ or ‘Natural Order’. Simply put, men should be men and women should be women. It is the right of man to be physically dominant towards woman, and it is his burden to be the provider of food and protection to the smaller, feminine, woman. Because the woman tends to be slighter and less physical than the man, she is simply expected to behave accordingly – being the ‘supporting’ role rather than the spot-lit-leader. Those of higher intellect are often found in positions of power and influence (much like the alpha wolf in the pack isn’t ‘top dog’ for being the thick one!) this is why not all women are slaves even in the Gorean lifestyle – some are better suited to influential roles, or paired with other men to cement truces and form alliances. All females following the Gorean lifestyle, however, are expected to be respectful and graceful just like all males following the Gorean lifestyle are expected to be self-aware and physically/mentally strong.
• The stronger dominants the weaker – Goreans are of the idea that by hiding their strengths they put the human race at a disadvantage. By playing to their own individual strengths be that physical or mental they celebrate their abilities as a whole race as well as individuals. The strong ‘weed out’ those with anti-social or ‘unhealthy’ personalities by exiling them from the cities or confining them (normally through enslavement), this again helps the growth of the entire population as their genes are seldom passed on to ‘corrupt’ another generation. Strangely, for some, it is less about ‘looks’ and more about ‘personality’, scars and brands are commonplace in free men (even ‘the monster’ in Players of Gor was not often mocked for his looks and hidden features, rather he was mocked for his anti-social and recluse-like personality).
• This also means that anyone, regardless of gender, will dominate those that are weaker than them. This can manifest itself as manipulation, aggression and/or general ‘bossiness’. This is why it is often hard to explain Gor to outsiders. Yes, it is a man’s world, but without the right men women can be just as dominant if the opportunity arises even if it goes against what her nature and genetic make-up suggests. 
• Do what you will but be responsible for your actions – Simple really. Each Gorean is expected and encouraged to fulfil their needs and desires. Be that the free person who wishes to make a popular business, or the slave that wants to find herself in her masters chains. But this is not limited to the individual, Goreans also expect and encourage each other to fulfil the needs of the society as a whole. Goreans do not believe in stagnation, because of this they are always looking for some way to better themselves or their environment. However, every action has a consequence. It doesn’t matter whether the action is small or large there is a consequence to it which may be either good or bad, depending on the original action. The action might also affect others, not only the first person. Each person must learn to live with this fact, that everything they do can and will have an effect on them, they must understand and acknowledge that their actions are theirs alone. Only the individual us responsible for their actions, be they past, present or future. Excuses and ‘oh – buts’ are not readily accepted.

Regarding Slaves

[Important/Easily followed]

• Whether a girl may wear clothes, and what clothes she may wear is up to the discretion of the master – It is not hard to say ‘wear that’, ‘don’t wear those shoes’ or ‘stay naked in the house today’. For those in ‘long distance relationships’ I can see this being slightly more difficult, however, it is not a big issue as clothes can be planned in advance, perhaps as simple as ‘you can wear what you like as long as it’s not X’
• Power is always with the master – again, an easy one. Slaves are often delegated tasks (in the real world such as looking after the children, or getting the shopping), but it is always the master who has final say in matters. Legally, no, he doesn’t – but within the context of the relationship, and within the boundaries of society, he does.
• Slaves are not allowed to eat without permission, and are sometimes hand fed – again, hard for those in long distance relationships but a very simple one for those living together. Self explanatory really, it reminds the slave that she is a slave, and reliant on her master for even the most basic of needs (ie. Food and water)
• Slaves try to please their masters in all ways – one of the first things a slave learns coming into the Gorean lifestyle is ‘absolute obedience and exquisite beauty’, and so it is not a secret that a slave must be pleasing to their master/s.
• Slave girls walk proudly, are sensual, graceful and feminine – again, this goes with ‘absolute obedience and exquisite beauty’, femininity is highly prized by Goreans and it is not a hard trait to have in todays Earthen world either.

 [Suitable for some, but not all]

• Guests decide whether to grant slaves food – Nice idea, but telling your neighbour/mother that you need their permission to eat could turn a nice meal awkward. Even Gorean friends aren’t always interested in, or considerate enough, to think they need to give this permission. It works for some, but only if the guest is forewarned it is up to them.
• Slaves may be punished by any free, for any reason – Some Goreans allow their slaves to be punished by any free, others allow free to verbally but not physically punish their slaves, others don’t allow either.
• Slaves do not wear clothes with nether closures – Again, very nice for some. Others, mainly those who have jobs that aren’t considered for slaves in the books, find this protocol unreasonable and unrealistic.

 [Fantasy]

• Intricate kisses, movements, dances and serves are taught to slaves in slavers houses – there aren’t enough slavers houses to train all the women who wish to be Gorean slaves, and even if there were very few (if any) would know how to teach dance, a thousand different ways to kiss, etc.
• Slaves are slaves to all free – Lovely in fantasy, but not every woman wants to be able to submit to every man who crosses their path.

Regarding Free

[Important/Easily followed]

• Feed a slave by hand  – This doesn’t mean that slaves should expect to be fed by hand at every meal! But the occasional meal-by-hand is a good way of reinforcing the ‘master / slave’ relationship to both parties.

[Suitable for some, but not all]

• Brotherhood amongst men – some Gorean men are loyal to those they consider ‘closer than blood’, others tend to be more stand offish with everyone.

 How things just ‘are’ for Goreans

[Important/Easily followed]

• Gorean society tends to be tradition bound. They value the wisdom, insight and traditions of their fathers and city, caste, or clan leaders as well as the customs and beliefs of their city and homestone – This is practical in the sense of ‘looking to the past’ for answers and guidance. The lifestyle is based on ancient civilisations, so it stands to reason that we look back at traditions and the past frequently.
• Goreans take great care in their work – Unlike our outlook, Goreans in the books do not built things and expect them to breakdown quickly, instead they expect them to last often for generations. For this reason, they take great pride and care in everything they do.
• Goreans understand their own mortality and the morality of the world they live in – this means they appreciate everything around them, from the smallest flower to the largest city, more than the average Earth human.
• Goreans believe that their reputation lives long after they’re dead, so they strive to make a difference even in small seemingly insignificant ways. Living and making a difference, regardless of how big or small, is paramount.
• Goreans do not generally beg, they frown on others begging – This is mentioned in passing in one of the books, it doesn’t specifically state ‘does not apply to slaves’, but given the great number of slaves begging for things in the books it is practical to think it does not apply to them. Begging is frowned upon because if someone is in desperate need of something the caste or neighbours help out without needing to be asked.
• Goreans aren’t racist – But they find lots of reasons to hate others! Instead of colour, they tend to dislike people due to accent or the city they come from. 
• Goreans are proud of themselves, their achievements and their heritage – Why should a man or woman not be proud of who they are, and where they have come from? Too many these days, in our society, are ashamed of doing well, ashamed of working hard and achieving anything.

[Suitable for some, but not all]

• Goreans do not like gravestones – this goes hand in hand with ‘Goreans believe their reputation lives after they’re dead. Some real life Goreans want to be buried in a nice marked grave, others want something else that suits and fits them. 
• Goreans are suspicious of strangers – This suits some people, as some people are naturally suspicious of everything. Others are more open to friendships and likely to make friends very quickly.
• Goreans do not ‘rush’ anything – This is a lovely idea, but in a world where normally both individuals in a relationship need to work, keep the household, keep up with hobbies and the multitudes of other ‘commitments’ it is not always possible. It is not always possible to rush outside from the office and watch a particularly beautiful rainbow, or go out of your way to smell a rose in bloom, one day it might be – but not in this world situation!
• Goreans have a healthy respect for nature, and prefer it to technology – There is a mention in the books of a particularly wealthy man having electric light-bulbs, it is considered a luxury most Goreans cannot, and do not wish to, afford. They prefer the flicker of firelight as it is ‘more alive’. I think this boils down to a very Neanderthal outlook of ‘Fire good. Fire pretty. Fire hot – ouch!’, however, some Goreans who have been brought up only knowing the ‘electric-light world’ find the idea of living without it rather frightening, that is why it is listed in this one, not the list above! (also, who’s ever read about a brand being heated up over a light-bulb?!)
• Goreans do not ‘pity’ others, they find it an insult to both people (the person pitying and the person pitied) – Goreans are proud people, they do not like to feel pitied nor do they wish to insult others by pitying them. Everyone has their high points and low points, so pity is frowned upon (considered the ‘forbidden emotion’).

[Fantasy]

• Goreans value their homestone – Goreans on Earth don’t value their ‘homestone’ as much as those in the books. Some Goreans do have a homestone, but not all.

 ~

 

The Gorean lifestyle, at least how I’ve found it and tried to set it out above, isn’t a set of unachievable goals set down by a man driven to write by lunacy or some deluded sense of reality. It is a life that has been achieved throughout our history, it’s a life that aspires to perfection yet is grounded enough to know it will never quite make it, but that doesn’t stop those following it trying.

 

The Gorean man is not a fictional being, appearing only when someone takes the time to delve into the realms of fantasy. They are a natural and ancient part of everyday men, in everyday jobs, trying to follow a lifestyle choice that challenges them to better themselves, to strengthen their weaknesses and enhance their very nature. They are not perfect creatures, devoid of fault, but they strive to live with an inner strength that allows them to have a healthy respect of all things, honour in the small things as well as the large and loyalty to their friends and family. They find comfort and solace with other men that share this inner strength, that understand the Gorean lifestyle brings them far more than simply ‘quick sex’ or ‘fantasy roleplay’ – it brings them a sense of self-awareness and self-achievement.  Spurred on by the references to human history, they find a way to establish their masculinity and male identity, in a world that openly frowns upon gender diversity.

 

Neither is the Gorean woman a fictional being. She is in every woman, suppressed by demands from society to be ‘equal’ to men. The Gorean woman revels in her femininity, enjoys the feminine side of life and enjoys the freedom of not having to pretend to be something she’s not – a man. The Gorean woman realises she doesn’t have to fit into the specific media image of ‘beautiful’, she finds she can be a thousand times more beautiful in a thousand different ways. She is not, as is often misinterpreted, a silent shadow slipping in and out of service seemingly unnoticed, she often brings attention to herself through her selfless service. The woman is expected to love her body, her soul, her heart and her mind regardless of faults. They find that they do not have to fit into every little societal ‘box’ to be liked, or to fit in – they are loved and appreciated for who and what they are, by those who value femininity, honesty and inner strength... Gorean men.

 

Goreans in general can be harsh, critical, beings – this is just their nature. They are blunt and can rip a person apart with a few simple off-handed remarks, I’ve seen it and been a part of it; both receiving and giving. Those who cannot stand up for themselves, their ideas and voice their opinions may not be worthy of Gor and all that Gor entails. Goreans are passionate; they don’t sit on the fence or change sides with the winds, and they’d prefer a heated-but-mannered debate to a yes-I-agree monologue.

 

In my personal opinion, if you say you’re a slave; look like a slave, act like a slave, be a slave; if you say you’re a free man or free woman, look like a free person, act like a free person, be a free person. It’s as simple as that.

 

This all points to a lifestyle built of strong individuals of both sexes who value honour, loyalty and respect above all else - strong individuals who are not afraid to live a lifestyle outside the societal norms of today. A strong, unified, front to outsiders, containing a strongly supportive social structure within...Somewhere along the way – while arguing the ‘real, true, way’, we lost track of this.

 

I only hope we do not lose track of our base philosophies too.

 

I wish you well,

kamira.

 

***
Thanks go to [Fetlife’s] kajiradreams, slave of Master Aeroswraithe, for posting the original set of questions and for keeping my sleepless nights busy with thought for the past few days!
***