This topic came up in a private conversation with two mainstream BDSM friends. They say that in BDSM, at least in general terms, the title of ‘Sir’, ‘Master’, ‘Ma’am’ and ‘Mistress’ (amongst others) are earned through getting a name for yourself in the community, being around a while, and gaining the respect and trust of submissives/slaves who then ‘vouch’ (for want of a better word) for the dominant amongst their friends.
I tried to explain that the Gorean lifestyle is rather different, as anyone (theoretically) can come into the lifestyle and from the get-go can expect to be called ‘Master’ or ‘Mistress’, it is only when they prove to or show other dominants that they do not hold the majority of Gorean traits (that is, traits like honesty, integrity, and honour) that the title is removed (at the command of the master) and the ‘respect’ begins to waver.
I could have been trying to explain nuclear physics to an three-year old (no offense to my friends!) but it just went way over their heads as it’s not what they’re used to, because what the lifestyle they’ve chosen preaches is the complete opposite.
So, it got me thinking... Goreans don’t ‘earn’ their titles, they just ‘have’ them. Why?
Well, the easy answer is “because the books say so”, but unfortunately the simple ‘get-out clause’ has never been enough to satisfy my curiosity. I’m not about to follow every word written in a Gor book purely because it’s there – it has to make sense... otherwise I would be climbing Everest looking for Priest-Kings and hanging whole cows on the roof for the passing tarns.
So *why* do the books say so? The logical conclusion I found was because the Gorean culture is based on a hierarchy system, everything has its place and knows its place in relation to everything else. To show, and illustrate clearly, the difference between free and slave there are a lot of factors – the brand on the slave, the robes of the free woman, the wearing of earrings, sandals, and the like. And so the titles of ‘Master’ and ‘Mistress’ are just another way to illustrate the difference between free and slave.
By this definition, of course every free person should be called ‘Master’ or ‘Mistress’, because it is not a title of accomplishment or something that is ‘earned’. It is merely a verbal indication of the relationship between two individuals. It serves to ensure a slave is always remembers who and what she is within the dynamic - not only her own relationship, but the dynamic between herself and anyone who identifies with the Gorean lifestyle.
But does this really compute with our Earth upbringings? It works fine in a fantasy book, sure.. but does it work in our lives? I know when I’m using the term ‘Master’ or ‘Mistress’ I’m always far more aware of my collar and my position than if I was using ‘legal’ names, and in a world which doesn’t recognise my slavery, it is always nice to have that added reminder and reassurance.
Of course it isn’t compatible in the sense that I cannot go around calling everyone ‘Master’ or ‘Mistress’, it isn’t socially acceptable or normal to do so and I would get some strange looks in the supermarket! However, within the Gorean communities (that is, around those who are Gorean) it is completely compatible in my view. I call my master ‘Master’ in the supermarket, in a restaurant, even around his work friends – and no-one has batted an eyelid at it. As I often say, people are too caught up in their own world to care what I, or anyone else for that matter, do.
I suppose in some ways the Gorean term ‘Master’ is like ‘kajira’. I spent nearly two years with my Master before I became comfortable using that title – and even then it was after a long discussion with my Master about its meaning and it’s usage. But theoretically (‘by-the-books’) someone could come into the lifestyle now, having not known a thing about it – and use the same title as people who have been around for years and years and are knowledgeable about the lifestyle.
Is this fair? I’m reminded of the saying ‘Gor isn’t fair’, and ‘life isn’t fair’. But I’m also reminded that Gor isn’t BDSM – and trying to put BDSM or even vanilla values on the Gorean ethos is like trying to get the square peg into the round hole... It might work eventually.. but it isn’t going to be precise, or exact.
I wish you well,
kamira.