BDSM Equipment?

The idea that BDSM and Gor can intertwine is one I’ve gone into in the past. I’m not going to rehash the same ol’ Fetlife rants and counter-rants. I’m absent from the childishness for a reason – it gets boringly repetitive. Instead I’m going to try to delve into WHY there is even this argument in the first place. Is there any basis for BDSM ‘play’ to mingle with Gorean ‘reality’?

Yes, is the simple answer. I believe there is.

There are MANY implements of discipline and control used on Gor that are considered toys. All of these can be used in both BDSM and Gorean settings. Although MANY of these have psychologically different effects on a Gorean slave than a BDSM slave.

Rings – Used to secure a slave, sometimes outside (buildings, shops, markets), sometimes inside (on the end of beds, couches).

Ankle Rack– BDSM calls it ‘spreader bars,’ as do the Red Savages of Gor.

Slave sack/Slave hood – BDSM calls it ‘sensory deprivation’ and it can be just the head for a ‘hood’ or an entire body experience.

Collars/Bracelets or wrist cuffs/anklets or ankle cuffs – BDSM have an entire RAINBOW of different collar types, as Goreans have theirs. 

The Iron belt – a BDSM ‘chastity belt’?

Binding fibre/Rope – Kind of self explanatory as to how this works in both?

Goad – The slave goad mentioned briefly in the books sounds remarkably like a portable/self charging violet wand...

Whips – Self explanatory.

Chains – Self explanatory.

I could go on, but the point of this post isn’t to create a neverending list.

So, then there are the venues of both ‘lifestyle choices’. The Paga taverns and Alcoves for ‘ravishing’ a slave – are they really any different to Swingers clubs? Many men can have the same woman.. I hear some people say “But the difference is that money doesn’t change hands.” ..What do you think the entrance fee is for? Often, don’t women get in for free but men have to pay the house? (but, of course, the reverse is true - in private, or more exclusive Gorean banquets the slaves are used freely, without fee changing hands).

What about the comparison to a normal pub? How many women go out on a Friday or Saturday night looking for a one night stand? For a drink or two, they’ll be round the back of the carpark, going at it like the Energiser Bunny! Before anyone gets offended – not all women are like this, obviously, but the fact that some can be bought for less than a fiver in a cheap pub chain can’t be ignored. These aren’t the type of women you’d want to take home to your mother – but I don’t remember every man entering a Paga Tavern looking for a lifelong Free Companion! A nights ‘jolly’ was all that was expected.

And I haven’t even touched on the ‘dungeon’ similarities!

So yes, I suppose given the overwhelming evidence.. There is a basis for the argument of BDSM-Gor. The problem, however, is that the books are both very clear and very ambiguous. The main BDSM dispute coming from: Sadism is basically unknown on Gor. It is seen as a disease for a man (or woman) to be sadistic.

HOWEVER

It is often noted that a Master or Mistress may punish for no reason, or simply because the slave is a slave. Is that not indulging in the sadistic whims of the dominant? I assume, and it is an assumption, that no freeperson would randomly beat a slave if they despised such things. Why hit, when a) there is no reason, and b) no enjoyment? But then, the slave often commented, in words or in thought, that she wishes to feel the whip, so she knows herself subject to it. She WANTS to feel the painful bite of the switch, or the heavy lash of the five bladed whip. Why? Because she LIKES to know her owner can cause pain her, if he wishes. It makes her more HIS by being subject to HIS whip. She doesn’t have to like the kiss of the whip, but she likes the manifestation of the dominant and submissive roles. Much like a masochist doesn’t HAVE to LIKE the feeling of the lash. Like most things in life, people get different things out of it. Personally, my BDSM experiences weren’t about enjoying pain – but rather being subject to someone elses enjoyment... Even if that caused me pain.

How is that different from BDSM sadists and masochists? Can we REALLY defend our views, when they are not black and white, even in John Normans words?

Now, I still don’t believe that needles, wax, cutting, violet wands or pet play are Gorean traits. But, I can see the argument for at least some of them – although I would argue that one is used PURELY for discipline and for maintaining control, while the other CAN be more relaxed and ‘enjoyable’ (If that is the right word?) for both sides.

Why not just agree to disagree? If you don’t like what someone else is doing there is a simple solution – don’t be around them. There are over seven billion people in the world – why let one persons interpretation and preferences cause ripples in your ideal pool? There is no harm in them being wrong!

I wish you well,

Kami.

Serving is so much easier than Second Life

So many people find Gor online these days, whether they are haphazardly exploring a BDSM site like Fetlife, or delving into the world of 3D chats like Second Life. But these are, mostly, more of a hindrance than a help.

I found Gor through a chat room, and after then moving to real life I had to ‘unlearn’ many things.

Chat rooms have their purpose, of course, they can be excellent places to debate and discuss – but they can also be filled with misinformation that on its own is harmless, but when coupled with the curiosity of a new person and the eagerness to learn – it can have a negative effect.

Even the best of ‘by-the-books’ role play rooms are very ‘narrow’ in their portrayal of Gor. How many slaves in the books were able to come and go as they please? How many of them were whipped without feeling the lash? How about serving, without having to worry about spilling hot water, or tidying up spilled sugar? None. How many ‘worked’ for an hour a day, or two? Few.

Time is one of the biggest things – and the fact that free or slave only has to ‘abide by the rules’ during certain times of the day, week or month, depending on when they ‘feel like’ popping in. If only in reality we could deal with things only when we FELT like serving, or FELT like being honourable!

So while it is different, and a slave must learn to think and act in certain ways in reality, it is very different from typing it on a website. A serving of tea takes minutes in person, and I’ve seen it take over an hour online. The slaves may be brilliant at ‘sashaying across the floor, hips wiggling provocatively’, or whatever it is they feel like doing.. But doing it with a full cup of steaming coffee is completely another.

Personally, online could never have prepared me for having to do things that I didn’t want to do. Some days I don’t FEEL like making bread, cleaning, practising my lace or exercising – but it’s required of me by my master, and so without groaning, complaining, sighing – it has to be done. There are days when I have to be up early, or late, despite being tired – it has to be done. I can’t just turn it off when I feel like it and go ‘back to reality,’ picking it up as and when it suits me, because unlike roleplay, this IS my reality – as it is for others. 

I wish you well,

Kamira.

A Day in the Life of THIS Slave.

Who’s to say what a day is to consist of, for a slave? But despite the variety of options and answers, it is one of the most frequent questions I get asked.

“What DO you DO all day?”

“Don’t you get BORED?”

The simple answer is ‘no’.

But I suppose I’d better answer it in more detail than that – after all, it would be a pretty bad blog post if that was all it consisted of.

My days vary, depending on when and where my Master is working. If he’s working away, and I’m not with him, I have a lot of freedom and I can do things at my own schedule (as long as things get done!). If he is working from home, I am expected to keep quiet, be attentive to his needs without being intrusive AND do my daily ‘expectations’. If he is off, often he’ll relax while I cook/clean for the day, then we’ll go out. Of course, this is not set in stone and there are days where routine goes straight out of the window!

One of the main things, I suppose, is that I enjoy my own company – I dislike people, as a general rule, so I don’t get ‘lonely.’ I’ve always labelled myself fairly anti-social, which others will agree with... Give me a book in the corner over being in the spotlight any day... Sadly I don’t always get that privilege! When left to my own devices, I’ll read, research topics, recipes, re-read books, and generally snuggle down with a cup of tea and my own thoughts.

Then there are my pets, my boys – now, I admit I care for my boys more than I care for people (in general). I spend more time with them during the day that is probably necessary. They get run twice a week, and handled daily. They get cleaned out twice a week too... and as those at the last encampment will agree – they make a heck of a mess, and not just in their cage!

I cook – from scratch. This year I’m learning to make jams and preserves (and chutneys as a side thing.. But mainly jams and preserves) this is something I’m learning about, and practising. I bake bread and cakes, at LEAST six of seven main meals a week, if we’re not entertaining clients, are traditionally made and home cooked (none of this ‘buy a sauce and chuck in Tesco horse meat’!). Being rurally located, we have local produce all around us – and I make frequent trips to see their shops and farm stores. Normally every two days (daily in the summer, for fresh salad).

I clean – and not just a ‘quick tidy up’. I clean daily, normally one room a day. Then, for example – the chrome taps and oven get cleaned weekly, the wooden furniture gets treated fortnightly, etc.  And the jets in the bath are enough of a hassle to warrant never wanting them again, but they have to be done once a week (Masters decision!). The tile floors get scrubbed (by hand), etc, etc.

I volunteer regularly, in a couple of different places. Although in fairness this is normally just a few times a month. Master jokes I also ‘volunteer’ for his business as I do his monthly accounts and correspond with people re: that.

So, if asked to ‘plan’ a day in the life of me, I suppose it would be easiest to plan a day when my Master was away. He can leave any time, depending on his travel time/destination.

I suppose it would consist, roughly, of:

2hrs of cleaning 

1hr of cleaning (general: dishes, washing // other – like treating the furniture)

1hr – Shopping / Daily errands

1hr or more – Crafts / Writing / Reading

1hr or more – Cooking / Baking

1hr or more – Exercise (90mins if it’s a running day, 120mins if it’s a swimming day)

Roughly an 8hr day, not taking into account  the daily personal routine I have and the other things I’m either not willing (or allowed) to discuss. So yes – that just about covers it.

So for all those who complain I can’t ‘possibly manage’ without getting bored. I guess I can only say that I ‘manage’ because I am able to think for myself, and have a Master who doesn’t ALLOW me to lounge around like some vanillas.

Branded, Sized and Weighed

There is very little mentioned about sizing. It is said that all kinds of ‘block measurements are taken, from the common to the unusual. Presumably on Gor this is because some are classed as ‘Exotics’ and therefore chances are some are bred to have specific features and mutations (like long or pointed ears, for example). Using the book as reference, it is clear that there are four standard sizes for the wrist and ankle. Simply a slave is either size one, two, three or four on her wrist and ankle. While the numbers appear to be separate (a size 3 wristlet is not the same as a size 3 anklet), it is stated that men prefer women with ‘matching’ wrists and ankles (ie. Both the slaves wrists and ankles are a size 2).

‘One’ is considered small, ‘two’ and ‘three’ are most common while ‘four’ is considered large. Unfortunately only one size is commented on in the book in figures. A size two anklet has an interior circumference of about 8.8inches (conversion rounded to one dp) while a size two wristlet has just over 6.2inches inner circumference.

This implies (although it is never explicitly stated) that the smallest ‘standard’ slave – by which I would class all non-exotic/non-specifically-bred woman (ie. All Earth women) – is smaller than these measurements. It is hard to believe this is possible, but assuming the height of a slave can vary as much as our own gene pool it stands to reason a shorter, or naturally slimmer, girl could be fit and healthy with such measurements.

Weight, also, is not touched upon as much in the earlier books. However as the series progresses we do get an idea, and then a figure, for the ‘Gorean woman’. Most slave girls (bar farm or northern girls) are lithe, soft skinned, slim but curved. Obesity, it is stated, is a luxury of slovenly free women (If someone could find me that quote, I would be grateful...).

“She was, in measurements with which those of her background [Earth] would be familiar, some five feet five inches in height, and something like one hundred and eighteen pounds in weight.” – Smugglers, Pg. 5

It goes on to say that this is not special, or unusual. This gives a BMI of about 19 – which indicates that the Earth standards of ‘normal and healthy’ are roughly the same as Gorean standards. By Earth standards, an average five foot five woman should weigh between about 8 stone and 10.5 stone. I would assume, like Earth standards, body fat percentage is important too. Muscle weighing more than fat, a ten stone girl would presumably have more muscle, not more muffin.

Brands are not dependant on size or weight – that is, that every woman with a kef brand, on Earth that is the lithe 120lb woman AND 600lb “whalejira” should have a one and a half inch high, half an inch wide kef brand – if they have anything at all.. But that is a different discussion. (And before anyone comments on my chosen words – remember; “my blog, my words.” Don’t like it? Find somewhere else to escape your life – might I suggest the UK TV channels CBBC, or Challenge? Both are suitably... dumbed down and censored.) The same goes for the floral Dina and all other Gorean brands – one size fits all. 

I wish you well, 

Kamira.

The Good Habits that Must be Encouraged

Assuming, as I have in the last post, that JN used traditional Earthly vices, it stands to reason that his characters also have the ideal VIRTUES of our history.

The traditional (religious) virtues, as far as I can see are – Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness and Humility

Castitas – (Chastity) – The virtue to the vice ‘Lust’.

While on the surface this would seem contradictory to the daily life of Gorean slavery, it’s original meaning differs slightly from our modern interpretation. Much like ‘lust’ in my last post.

It implied self control, from intoxicants (drink/drugs), from temptation and corruption (don’t go for what is easy, go for what is HONOURABLE – a VERY Gorean thought).

Temperantia – (Temperance) – The virtue to the vice ‘Gluttony’.

A more ‘easily’ relatable Gorean virtue, for obvious reasons! Self-control is RATHER important – especially as the slaves loved ones are the ones impacted by their behaviour.

Caritas – (Charity) – The virtue to the vice ‘Envy’.

The latin original indicated that ‘love’ was the most important charitable act, rather than the more common ‘give money, goods or support’ – it emphasised unconditional love for others.

A slave is expected to behave appropriately regardless of how someone else is. They are taught to be subservient, polite, and generally un-obtrusive in their views and opinions. Obviously, slaves are human and WILL judge. The difference between a good slave and a bad slave is the ability to learn to bite their tongue!

This is probably the hardest virtue for me personally, as I find it hard to remember it’s not MY place to judge people on their actions – I’m to be neutral, if I can’t be nice... Which isn’t always possible, easy or practical in our modern world. But I’m working on it!!!

Industria – (Diligence) – The virtue to the vice ‘Sloth’. Basically working hard, and not being lazy, while also having integrity in all you do.

Another ‘easily’ relatable virtue. Slaves aren’t allowed to be slovenly, this is a basic skill – one so many I’ve met have yet to acquire! It also, to me, speaks of not giving up – if you can’t do it the first time, don’t just give up, a slave tries to perfect herself.

Patientia – (Patience) – The virtue to the vice ‘Wrath’.

Another one I struggle with, as do many others. This virtue is about resolving issues with peace and forgiveness (even if the other person is in the wrong!) – slaves are expected to let many things go over their heads, insults being a common one in the books. It is the free persons (normally the owners) decision to get upset or feel the need to resolve any conflict.

 Humanitas – (Kindness) – The virtue to the vice ‘Greed’. This, to me, links closely to the idea of ‘charity’.

A slave is expected to be kind, unselfish in their acts and compassionate towards others. This isn’t always shown in the books (where envy, and greed often get in the way first) but even the most opposed slaves often find a common ground, and a respect for each other. In some small way!

Humilitas – (Humility) – The virtue to the vice ‘Pride’.

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” – C. S. Lewis

Give credit where credit is due, regardless of who the person is and personal opinions.

((I’d like to add, writing this short bit about Humilitas has reminded me of a recent event on a social media site. Regardless of my thoughts and opinions of the people involved, I can honestly say credit is due to those who stand up, and are honest about, their profession. To ridicule anyone for MAKING A LIVING WITHOUT the handouts of benefits or ‘mummy’ is, in my opinion, unGorean. Even ‘High Castes’ didn’t put down the lowly ‘peasant’ for plowing the fields.))

As I stated in the ‘Vices’ post – please don’t confuse the Latin words for ‘Real Gorean Words’ – to my knowledge there is no ‘Gorean’ words stated for the virtues in the books.

They are interpreted by me – and certainly helped me discover and understand more about my life path.

I wish you well,
Kamira.

Bad Habits that Must be Broken

Given than JN based his series on historical fact – it stands to reason that his ideal kajira has none of the ‘traditional’ bad habits. This makes it difficult for us, as obviously we are raised in a modern world. Men, and Free, have less of an issue – they can do as they please, to a certain extent. Slaves on the other hand, have to unlearn many things that are considered ‘normal.’

The Seven Deadly Sins are: Envy, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Pride, Sloth and Wrath.

Ira – (Wrath) – Wrath, or rage, is an uncontrollable feeling of anger or hatred. It fuels violence and harm.

It’s clear that a violent slave would QUICKLY learn not to be so, or face the wrath of a much stronger free man. Slaves may not touch weapons (although, in reality, this isn’t so black and white - I’m permitted to clean and move them, I’m just to ask permission first)

Luxuria – (Lust) – While we now associate ‘lust’ with sex, or sexual need, the Latin origin ACTUALLY has a far broader meaning. Thus, someone can be ‘lusting after’ or desiring  money, success or even more basic needs like food.

This traditional meaning has far more meaning than the modern version, in a Gorean sense, as a slave should not desire money, fame or power. Such things are not for Gorean slaves, we are considered chattel ourselves, and so we are to be lusted over, not to be lustful ourselves. What we are given, is what we need – there is no reason for more. 

Gula/Gluttire – (Gluttony) – The over consumption of food, eating too many meals a day, eating too quickly or generally eating ‘too rich’ food.

Slaves ARE permitted to eat quickly, although it is more pleasurable for the free to watch a slave eat slowly, savouring the food she has been permitted. It is rare that a slave gets the opportunity to eat as much as they like, as they are expected to keep to their optimum block measurements.

Acedia – (Sloth) –  Sloth is often shown as laziness, by not doing what you should, or are expected to do.

This is an unacceptable trait for a slave, they are expected to behave according to their status.

There is a difference between being lazy, and being (say) ill and having to lay down.

Avaritia – (Greed) – Greed is often linked with Gluttony, but Greed has a far broader meaning. It is often linked to the motivation to steal or deceive someone. It results, commonly, in gaining physical possessions.

Obviously, this is something slaves are not permitted. There are examples of slaves being greedy and stealing from their sisters, and even when out foraging for berries – but they are always swiftly punished and understand it is not something they should aspire to. There is also an example of a new slave being questioned, and the free men being disappointed with her deceptive answers.

Invidia – (Envy) – Like jealousy, envy is the need and want for someone elses possessions, social standing or traits (looks or personality). It often results in happiness when another person loses that which is envied.

While it is known, widely, that slaves envy other slaves their position (favourite to the master, more freedoms than them, etc) BUT it is not acceptable for them to envy the free – the free woman, however, is sometimes said to envy a slaves freedom.

Superbia – (Pride) – Pride is considered the oldest and most deadly of the seven sins. It is often considered a prerequisite to the other six as it is the belief that you are fundamentally more important than others, to the point of ignoring the successes and accomplishments of others, even ‘playing down’ their abilities.

One of the most commonly commented on in the books, especially in relation to slaves. It is stated NUMEROUS times that a slave is not permitted pride, and it is clear why!

For those not familiar with Latin do not confuse these words with ‘Real Gorean Words,’ they are the Latin/Original names for our now commonly used ‘seven sins’. Such words in Gorean are never stated.

So those are the 'Seven Gorean Sins', as interpreted by ME - at least for a slave. Something for everyone to aspire to, I'm sure.

A Brand

Everybody and their dog (literally, if you go by some usernames or personalities!) has debated the importance, or lack thereof, of a brand.

They’ve also debated the issues with a real brand compared to a tattoo. I’m not getting into that debate – my view is clear, I have a brand (not tattoo) on my left thigh, that was put there EXACTLY as the books describe (so that dispels the myth of ‘it’ll kill a girl? Unless I’m a ghostie-jira?) – hot iron, inch and a half high, and half an inch wide.

Now... I DON’T recommend others have it done, unless properly prepared for the consequences.

Firstly, and most obviously, brands aren’t readily available on supermarket shelves. My Master made mine, and I’m allowed to keep it (now unusable) with me, it currently lives on the bedside table, on the lamp I use for reading. It took him ages and many attempts to make it – his first one wasn’t right, and if you’re going to do it, you need a perfectly straight piece of metal – or it’s going to show as uneven in the brand.

Heating the brand – isn’t as easy as you think. It can’t be too hot, and it can’t be too cold. Master worked on that, and to be honest I don’t remember much of the heating or branding process.. I think I blocked most of that out, as brains are prone to doing when it’s in pain! Holding it on my skin, I’m told, took plenty of focus – as he had to work out just long enough to brand, not so long as to maim (Thankfully, he got that right!)

Healing time is A LOT longer than the books – in the books the next day the slave is bouncing around serving. I was still shaking (your body goes into shock) two days later, and being fed sugary tea by my Master. He took time off work to look after me, and didn’t leave my side for more than a couple of minutes (to shower, for example) for about a week, after that I went to work with him for nearly two months as my thigh healed. I wouldn’t recommend a BTB brand unless this is a possibility. Even then, if it starts to get infected – go to the hospital. Mine did (as people know, I’m uber sensitive) but thankfully with painful salt solutions and over-the-counter antiseptics, we were prepared and kept it to a minimum, and didn’t require a hospital visit.

We’ve always kept my brand ‘under wraps’. This is because my Master has never wanted people to repeat it, it still aches in the cold, and has occasionally rubbed against tight clothing (don’t expect to do long horse treks with a brand – I learnt that the hard way!). This is still the case – but now, after three years (Moved to him November ’09, branded Sept ’10, engaged December ‘12, married November ’13) He’s allowing me to post a couple of pictures.

So... Here we go –

When it was first done:

(Day One, almost immediately after branding)

Now, three years on:

Is my brand perfect? No. Perfection is not an achievable goal. But I’d love to see someone who has had a BTB brand (right size, hot, hand branded) that’s better.

We expect it to change further in the future, lighter scarring around the edge will fade, as it already has in places. If the kef fades (which we don’t believe it will), it will be his decision whether to rebrand me or not. I don’t relish the idea of going through the pain again – but that’s not my decision.. and since I promised to ‘love honour and obey’ him, I don’t plan on breaking my promise.

On Being a Slave, a Wife or a Free Companion

As many know, I’ve been many things during my time with @AsmodeusGM – notably a slave, a free companion and a wife.

The similarities are astounding. People assume that free women, and thus free companions are much like the ‘female dominants’ of BDSM. This is so far from the truth it is a clear indication on who has failed to grasp the concept JN was CLEARLY trying to put across.

Free women have the right to say and act how they wish – they may be petulant and obnoxious if they wish. HOWEVER it is always the man that has the final say. Whether that is in the conversation (there are many examples of “Be quiet, Woman.” styled comments when a man gets fed up with hearing a Free Womans voice), or in the longer term the collaring of a particular woman who has scorned a man. Like slaves, the Free Woman is ultimately accountable for her actions, she is expected to be feminine and generally ‘unmanly.’ She sits differently than the men (she kneels, compared to the cross legged position of a man), and her behaviour is a reflection on the men of her blood and home.

Of course, marriage can be completely different to both a slave-life or that of a free companionship – it depends on the people. However, personally, the vows I repeated in front of friends and family were to ‘love, honour and obey.’ This, in my situation, puts me more on par with a slave before a collar is placed. A traditional English wife has far more in common with JN’s idea of a ‘kajira’ than the Free Woman – the history and reason behind this is clear.

Master Asmodeus decided my vows, he planned the event, and he chose my outfit. In this it was clear to ME what the dynamic was to be, and what my place was – but to my vanilla family and friends it was nothing more than a ‘normal-albeit-slightly-more-traditional’ wedding.

Returning to England, I held the keys to my bracelet and collar – not because I could take them on and off as I pleased, but because it would potentially reduce the confusion while going through metal detectors.

Ironically, despite this precaution, there was no issue or question to my ‘unusual jewelery’ – even in American security (takes away the excuse, doesn’t it!?).

~

Freedom is an interesting concept, one that I’ve preferred not to touch on greatly. Possibly because, having experienced all three dynamics, I find more freedom in slavery - which in itself is a paradox, obviously, and one that I haven’t spent a great deal of time mulling over. The simple fact is, I am more comfortable in a collar and it is something I am just happy to accept, even if that comes with the playful ‘told you so’ teasing of my Master.

I wish you well,

Kamira

Who Teaches a Slave?

This topic came up a few weeks ago, and I decided to put my jumbled thoughts into some kind of legible-ish train!

With the geese retreating from our tent with disinterested ‘honks’ after I was told not to feed them anymore... (“Those rolls are for my BURGERS, not for you to encourage all these CHRISTMAS DINNERS into the tent!”) it’s only now that I’ve really had the time to put pen to paper (literally... this is just being typed up for my blog...!)

Training is an interesting topic – one that doesn’t come up as often as I’d expect it to. I mean, it comes up, but only when looking at the detail and rarely when it’s taken as a whole. Who DOES the training?

The books are clear that pretty much anyone can train... even barbarians (after they’ve been trained themselves!). Youth can correct, men can correct, women can correct, peasants can correct, Ubars can correct. Anyone. But in ‘reality’ it can be much harder. So many only know onlinisms, or focus on the purely sexual aspects. Some will teach you ‘tricks’ and ‘cheats’ to looking great without actually doing anything and some will talk so much you’ll end up more confused than when you asked the question! It’s all about making an informed choice and judgement.

In fact, I guess it comes down to a few things;

The slave – if she is willing to learn from the FW - and not just in the ‘I’ve been ordered to’ kind of way... things are SLIGHTLY more complicated than that in the real world!

The owner of said slave – if he/she is willing to allow his slave to learn from such a source. He must, obviously have respect for the FW in question both as a normal human being and as a source of knowledge.

The FW – for why would one teach if one does not a) enjoy it, b) know about it and c) like the person she’s teaching! And, of course, if she is willing to put her name on the line to impart knowledge as well as having the time and energy to do it properly (and not in a half-hearted “we’ll talk twice a year on Skype” kind of way!).

The free companion – even though many women wish to deny it, it is ALWAYS up to the male of the household (if there is one) to have the final say.

So I looked at my own situation.

My FC, as I understand it, has no issue with me imparting knowledge to anyone – he never has. His issue is more that he knows me and my anti-social preferences and is happy to give both the pro’s and con’s of any situation that I may not have thought through.

I don’t believe he would have an issue with me teaching a female slave – this may be because he appears to be under the delusion that I am knowledgeable of Gorean protocols and such. That, as he is a man, is his own business – however wrong I may think he is.

It’s not something I would have wanted in her position. I was, and I suppose in many ways still am, very anti-female. And even more anti-gorean-woman... (But then, who could blame me given those ‘special’ individuals I have encountered under that title!) I don’t like women in most cases (although, in all fairness, I have very little time for people in general – regardless of gender) and my personal bias towards free women while in collar would have provided a very fractious learning environment.

I’m willing to share my knowledge – but I would struggle (as always) with the word ‘mentor’ or even ‘Gorean teacher/trainer.’

So yes, I suppose it is possible, dependent on the slave and owner (if she has one) – but it’s less about the gender of the teacher and more about whether the teacher shares the views and values of their ‘class’ ;)

Thoughtfully yours...

I wish you well,

Kami.

Interpretation... How far can it go?

Interpretation.. How far can it go?

Everybody says “Oh, well.. that’s YOUR interpretation of the books..” and “I’ve interpreted that differently.”

That’s fine. I agree with allowing people to interpret how they perceive things.

But only up to a point, of course.

Interpretation can only go so far, until that ‘interpretation’ is just plain wrong. ‘Interpreting’ a quote and taking a quote out of context are completely different things. Changing the meaning of words to suit ones own agenda is NOT ‘interpretation’.

There is a Gorean quote about a weak man, taken out of context it could be used to defend the idea that ‘slaves’ are more in control than their owners.. It doesn’t make it any more true, but it is very easy to defend any ideal or agenda with misquoted quotes.

Interpretation doesn’t mean you’re able to make things up, or use that word as a ‘guise’ under which you can hide. Interpretation can only go as far as the words allow.

Let me explain.

> “The flower in the grass was white”

It can be interpreted in thousands of different ways.

The grass – How long is it? Is it fresh, green, dying, yellow? Patchy? Covered in shadow?

Some might picture a garden, with uniform blades. Another might picture a forest floor. Others will picture different things. This is one of the ‘interpretable’ parts of the sentence.

The flower – is it a rose? A daisy? A weed? How many petals does it have? Are they sharp, or tatty? Is it newly bloomed or dying?

Again, many people will see it differently.. another ‘interpretable’ part of the statement.

The WORDS themselves, however, cannot change their meaning. Anyone can interpret that sentence ‘correctly’ as long as they retain the meaning of the words.

It would be wrong, obviously, to think that the ‘flower’ was able to be interpreted as a ‘tree’ or a ‘bush’ – it states a flower, so only ‘flowers’ can be interpreted from that word.

The word ‘white’ indicates that anyone ‘interpreting’ that flower as anything other than ‘white’ – is wrong. Plain and simple. The flower cannot be blue, red, purple, or any other colour other than ‘white’. Because the word ‘white’ can hae no other meaning than ‘white’!

So while there ARE areas where people can vary in their interpretation (I think “white daisy on a grassy, wild hill”, someone else might think “white tulip in a garden”) – there are ways that it can be interpreted wrongly. Anyone trying to interpret that sentence as “yellow buttercup on a window ledge” regardless of anything else, is wrong! Because the meaning of the words cannot substantiate their interpretation.

To bring it back to a Gorean perspective... “Slave” means “owned or controlled by someone else” this is not an ‘interchangable’ or interpretable’ meaning. (So ‘slave’ cannot have the meaning ‘not owned or controlled... but I have this FEELING that I’m a slave.. in my HEART.... so I must be one’) Much like ‘slave vs. Free’ and ‘flower vs. Tree’ – the words have definitive meanings – which cannot be changed, especially not because someone who doesn’t fit the mould tries to put the square peg in the round hole by wearing down the edges.

So anyone telling me that they have ‘interpreted’ white as black, or flowers as trees, or ‘slave’ as ‘free’... or anything else that doesn’t work with the meaning of the individual words – I won’t be apologising when I ‘interpret’ their words and excuses as stupidity in its highest form. 

Everybody says “Oh, well.. that’s YOUR interpretation of the books..” and “I’ve interpreted that differently.”

That’s fine. I agree with allowing people to interpret how they perceive things.

But only up to a point, of course.

Interpretation can only go so far, until that ‘interpretation’ is just plain wrong. ‘Interpreting’ a quote and taking a quote out of context are completely different things. Changing the meaning of words to suit ones own agenda is NOT ‘interpretation’.

There is a Gorean quote about a weak man, taken out of context it could be used to defend the idea that ‘slaves’ are more in control than their owners.. It doesn’t make it any more true, but it is very easy to defend any ideal or agenda with misquoted quotes.

Interpretation doesn’t mean you’re able to make things up, or use that word as a ‘guise’ under which you can hide. Interpretation can only go as far as the words allow.

Let me explain.

> “The flower in the grass was white”

It can be interpreted in thousands of different ways.

The grass – How long is it? Is it fresh, green, dying, yellow? Patchy? Covered in shadow?

Some might picture a garden, with uniform blades. Another might picture a forest floor. Others will picture different things. This is one of the ‘interpretable’ parts of the sentence.

The flower – is it a rose? A daisy? A weed? How many petals does it have? Are they sharp, or tatty? Is it newly bloomed or dying?

Again, many people will see it differently.. another ‘interpretable’ part of the statement.

The WORDS themselves, however, cannot change their meaning. Anyone can interpret that sentence ‘correctly’ as long as they retain the meaning of the words.

It would be wrong, obviously, to think that the ‘flower’ was able to be interpreted as a ‘tree’ or a ‘bush’ – it states a flower, so only ‘flowers’ can be interpreted from that word.

The word ‘white’ indicates that anyone ‘interpreting’ that flower as anything other than ‘white’ – is wrong. Plain and simple. The flower cannot be blue, red, purple, or any other colour other than ‘white’. Because the word ‘white’ can hae no other meaning than ‘white’!

So while there ARE areas where people can vary in their interpretation (I think “white daisy on a grassy, wild hill”, someone else might think “white tulip in a garden”) – there are ways that it can be interpreted wrongly. Anyone trying to interpret that sentence as “yellow buttercup on a window ledge” regardless of anything else, is wrong! Because the meaning of the words cannot substantiate their interpretation.

To bring it back to a Gorean perspective... “Slave” means “owned or controlled by someone else” this is not an ‘interchangable’ or interpretable’ meaning. (So ‘slave’ cannot have the meaning ‘not owned or controlled... but I have this FEELING that I’m a slave.. in my HEART.... so I must be one’) Much like ‘slave vs. Free’ and ‘flower vs. Tree’ – the words have definitive meanings – which cannot be changed, especially not because someone who doesn’t fit the mould tries to put the square peg in the round hole by wearing down the edges.

So anyone telling me that they have ‘interpreted’ white as black, or flowers as trees, or ‘slave’ as ‘free’... or anything else that doesn’t work with the meaning of the individual words – I won’t be apologising when I ‘interpret’ their words and excuses as stupidity in its highest form. 

Expectations at Gatherings...

It’s interesting to watch people at gatherings and encampments, even more so when you’ve watched them online – their words, their actions, their convictions. It reminds me that you really cannot judge people on what they say online – to an extent.

Some people, it is clear they are not suitable for friendship, there are obvious signs – like never agreeing on anything. Then there are those that you feel you won’t get along with... But you couldn’t quite say why. And finally there are those that you feel will be beneficial friends, both on an intellectual and base level.

How wrong some people can be.

People can say all the right things online... then when you meet them it is like looking at a cat instead of a dog. You have to blink a few times, and wonder what happened in that car journey, that train journey.

What I struggle with, is the amount of people that find Gorean events so difficult. The ones that are perfect online.. but act like untrained pigeons when they are face to face. I often joke that my rats are more Gorean than some people online.. what is scary is sometimes they are more Gorean than people that actually MEET! My idea, and my expectations, of people at gatherings are not at Olympic levels, they are basic levels of protocol, of Gorean etiquette.

So, in an effort to understand where people are struggling... here are my thoughts on what people should, and shouldn’t, be doing at a Gorean event. I hope by doing so I will find where people cannot do them.

Free Men
Do:

• Have some form of PERSONAL knowledge of the books – and not try to pretend otherwise.
• Dress as you please – but please remember Gorean is a way of life, not a kinky way to dress... and you WILL be judged if you stride in starkers, or in a loin cloth...
• Be masculine, but not arrogant or rude
• Speak, and intellectually (This doesn’t mean every conversation needs to be  about Superstring theory)
• Show manners to other Free
• Keep your slave/s in line
• Speak their mind, and are able to correct etiquette in others (this doesn’t mean telling everyone what they should and shouldn’t be doing – but, for example, if anothers slave is being bratty it is not ‘forbidden’ to glare or make a comment about it)
• Bear in mind others, and their emotions – like you would with any other social situation

Don’t:

• Pretend to know everything
• Touch others slave/s without speaking to the owner
• Insist on doing things for slaves
• Sit around like teddy bears
• Stare at slaves as if they are unicorns... it not only worries the slaves, but also confuses the men as to why there is so much ‘shock’ about a slave girl...

Free Women

Do:

• Have some form of PERSONAL knowledge of the books – and not try to pretend otherwise.
• Dress as you please – but please remember Gorean is a way of life, not a kinky way to dress... and free women were still feminine.. If you turn up dressed as a slave – be prepared for people to judge you.
• Serve the men if there are no slaves (you are, after all, still female)
• Keep yourself feminine
• Listen to the men – and if they tell you that you need to be quiet, do so. Even in the books the haughtiest of FW were silenced by FM when a man chose to.
• Bear in mind others, and their emotions – like you would with any other social situation
• Sit on the floor, or on the arm of your FC’s chair, if there are no free seats after the men have sat down.

Don’t:

• Pretend to know everything
• Interrupt the conversations of men (speak, sure – just don’t think your words are more important than those of a FM)
• Touch anothers slave without speaking to the owner
• Cause drama
• Act like a man, demand to be treated as a man, or anything else like that.

Slaves

Do:

• Have some form of PERSONAL knowledge of the books – and not try to pretend otherwise.
• Serve the free in the correct manner
• Speak as a female
• Help the other slaves
• Kneel, or sit in a feminine and ‘proper’ manner
• Obey free, unless it goes against your own masters words – then POLITELY state why you cannot do what you have been asked.
• Use Master and Mistress appropriately
• Remember you are a reflection of your owner – and foul-mouthed, lazy slaves reflects more on your owner than it does on you.

Don’t:

• Pretend to know everything
• Interupt the free - unless it is an emergency (obviously)
• Stomp like a bricklayer
• Deliberately draw attention to yourself
• Be a brat
• Argue, shout, or generally make a nuisance of yourself
• Lounge on the floor, block pathways, etc.

I cannot see how ANY of this is hard... I don’t think it’s asking much for anyone, new or experienced or old or young, to comply with the basics... Yet so many fail do a single one of these things (often doing the complete opposite) and then they wonder why nobody bar the tea-party Goreans have time for them.

People say the right things, they make the right noises... But in reality I wonder how many have ever been in a vanilla social situation, let alone a Gorean one. Tact and manners are something most people learnt early on (ie. If a waitress/slave hands you a drink – it’s not going to kill you to say ‘thank you’, or if there is a known rape victim in the room, it’s not the most polite thing to do to mention rapists are ‘misunderstood’).

I don't get it... so perhaps someone could enlighten me as to why so many struggle? I'd be grateful for the explanation!

I wish you well,

Kamira.

Money and Gor... Are They Related?

As I mentioned my last post – writing about ‘stay at home slaves’ sparked another topic.

So, here we are.

Money.

It appears to be a bit of a taboo subject at the moment what with so many people being made redundant, hours being cut back and generally the lack of employment all over the world.

But the question I’m interested in is.. Do you need money to be Gorean?

As I said in my last post – I was very lucky that my Master had the money to ‘keep’ me at home all the time. I had no need to work. But this isn’t the norm, and certainly isn’t possible for most people. Society and the rising cost of living almost forces all people to work, where fifty, a hundred, two hundred years ago it was unheard of and frowned on for women to be in the ‘mainstream’ workplaces.

So do you NEED money to be Gorean? My answer would be ‘no.’ But I don’t believe you can be a ‘master’ if you’re sponging off someone else (friends, family, state) - but even a shelf-stacker can be Gorean – I know, I’ve met some! Just like I don’t believe ‘slaves’ should get into the Gorean lifestyle because they are looking for a meal ticket.

So why are some Goreans so focused on ‘competing’ for that title of ‘Richest Idiot’? I don’t think it is a ‘Gorean’ problem so much as it is a ‘humanity’ problem. The world is all about wealth and beauty. I mean, looking at the Gorean point of view, there should be no emphasis on money at all – most of the people we, as readers, meet in the books are either skint or close to it. Only a select few are what we as modern day people would class as ‘rich’ (the Ubars, the high/best merchants and high/best slavers, etc.)

Now, I have to admit.. Money has never been a great issue in my life, bar maybe a few months in my late teens. I have been very lucky in life with money, my parents are fairly well off, my own bank accounts have rarely been ‘empty,’ but I always worked for my earnings. Thankfully, it was never handed to me on a silver platter by ‘mummy and daddy.’ That, I believe, has taught me the meaning and value of money – and I don’t believe I take money for granted.

However, I don’t judge people on whether they have money or not. So many do. I don’t care if someone is struggling to get by week to week, having to buy the ‘budget’ brands, never go on holiday and has only two or three sets of clothes (I know people that, unfortunately, are in a situation like this), and I don’t care if someone earns more than me, spends nine months of the year jetting off on holiday and eating caviar. If they do the work either to get it, or earn it in some way - fair play to them.

The people I have a problem with are those that claim to have money (or not! There are a lot of ‘poor me’ people out there who want, expect or beg for handouts when they are actually doing fairly well for themselves) when in reality their situation is very different. Anyone else remember the big uproar about the ‘beggars’ in London who were walking around the corner and getting into a brand new Jag? I’m reminded of the sayings “He who shouts the loudest...” and/or “The lady doth protest too much, methinks..” when I see people announcing their poverty or wealth.

So, I don’t believe you need money to be Gorean, but having money can change how you live, and in that sense it can both improve a life and ruin it. Remember, money can’t buy honour, money can’t buy class, money can’t buy self-control or self-awareness, and money can’t buy love. So all the things I believe are needed to be Gorean and in a happy relationship in general... have no use for money.

Slaves that Stay At Home?! Never!

Lots of people consider the idea of a “24/7 stay-at-home slave” to be unachievable in the modern world. It’s ridiculed as ‘outdated,’ and ‘impossible.’ Personally, I find this amusing, as for nearly three years I did just that. Perhaps I was imagining it, or perhaps I was just doing the ‘impossible!’

The problem is that it can work but it is hard work. It’s not something that suits everyone, and the most common complaint I hear about it (or rather, the most common excuse for not doing it) is “but my slave in intelligent... she’ll get bored!”

This is the biggest load of bollocks out there. Intelligence isn’t linked to working outside the home. Intelligence is about knowledge, common sense, and initiative. Boredom only occurs when the slave either isn’t intelligent enough to keep herself motivated and active around the house, or the ‘master’ isn’t intelligent enough to keep her busy around the house.  

24/7 slaves do a variety of things (although the main one everyone thinks of is ‘cleaning’.. all a ‘stay at home’ slave does is clean – again... BOLLOCKS!), cleaning is a part of it, obviously. But so is managing the house in general. I’ll go into detail about my own situation in a moment.. but I have to say that I feel sorry for anyone, slave or master, that can only imagine ‘cleaning.’

So let me tell you a little about what I did... I’ll start with the cliché – cleaning.  I heard recently that it takes some slaves a maximum of four hours to clean the entire place. Seriously? I pity such people.. to have such a small home that it only takes four hours to clean...? I did a room a day, going through all the rooms and then starting back at the beginning again. Each clean (of a single room, I’d like to point out) took 3-5hours. That is, of course, from top to bottom – not just a ‘quick tidy up.’ The washing of clothes was done twice a week, and the bedding was changed just as often.

What amuses me is that people claim they ‘would get bored’ of doing this – now, I admit I like cleaning, I’m a bit anal when it comes to such things... but bored? Or had ‘done it all’? Really? I’d love the people that say such things to visit the Gorean home in Birmingham... Say you’re ‘bored’ in their house  they’d have you cleaning the floor tiles with a toothbrush all afternoon (and yes, they could tell if you missed one!)

Then there was the finances – my Master owned (and still owns) his own business, and I kept the finances for that in order. I sent out orders, invoices, kept files up to date, sorted tax returns, and generally made sure he didn’t have to deal with the mundane paperwork. Of course, I understand this isn’t a possibly for those that serve a minimum wage earner – but there is normally something that can be done with money even more so when they are struggling (budgets, shopping around for the best deals, etc.).

I also had my studies, my reading (which I still adore, and try to find time for at least two or three times a week), my cooking and baking - we never had ‘bought’ cakes or meals – it was all made from fresh ingredients.. because I had time to do it! I enjoyed being able to make the meal my Master desired, whether that be something as simple as a roast meal, or something less traditional like sushi or Thai green curry (my favourite!).

Of course, the reading was a part of my ‘relaxing’ time... I’d also often get time to do some craft work, some time to write (obviously) and generally time to relax. I had my limits, but as long as I worked within those limits, my ‘spare time’ was my own unless he needed me.

I was his slave, yes. But I was also so much more. I was his secretary, his accountant, his cook, his maid and his confidante. I was the person that he could moan to when the day hadn’t gone right. I was the person he could laugh and joke with when things were going well.

So I really do feel sorry for unimaginative slaves and masters who moan about how ‘terrible’ it is to be a 24/7 slave, or how they couldn’t possibly do it because they are ‘too intelligent.’ In my opinion, it is the most intelligent people that can organise themselves and a household, making sure that everything is done before the Master comes home. There is nothing intelligent or imaginative in being told what to do at your job, or going through the same routine time and time again.

So slaves can be 24/7, but it’s not for everyone. It isn’t a bad thing to be a 24/7 slave, just like it isn’t a bad thing to be a working slave. Everyone has to do what they must in order to live in this expensive day and age. I admit I was very lucky to have someone able to support both myself and him on a single income – I know not everyone is that lucky... and there is no problem with that – the problem only comes when one is lying about their earning capacity, or putting others down because they cannot achieve what those other people can do.

I think this has sparked my thoughts for another topic... so perhaps this is “to be continued...!”